Sunday, January 30, 2011

Women, Drama, and Meetup

Why is it that anytime there is a group full of women there is always drama?? I really do hate this aspect of being a woman. It is as if every woman is competing with each other to be bigger, better, and more successful than the person she is sitting next to at a dinner table. This year I made a pact that I would try my best to eliminate the drama in my life. I get tired of the drama as it tends to affect my relationship with my husband and other family members. I get negative and just want to sit and bicker and pick at everything that is going on. I didn't want to be like that for 2011. I wanted to look a the best possible outcome for each aspect in my life.

Just shortly after I moved to Cleveland, I found a Tea Society group on and loved it!! I loved the women who were in the group as we all shared a common interest. The group owner stepped down due to life activities that prevented her to attending the events that she herself had planned. She handed the group over to another member in the group. This new leader, we will call her M. I gave M the benefit of the doubt as she took over the tea society and tried to keep it running as the original owner had planned. I would attend the events, but something just didn't seem right. I tried to ignore the drama that M was creating in the group among members who were just asking simple basic questions that would then be blown out of proportion. I stayed out of it as much as possible, but did notice that either people were dropping out of the group like flies or something was up as not many people were showing up to each event. M claimed that she was British and wanted everyone to wear hats to each Afternoon Tea that was planned. I had explained to M that I didn't own any hats that would be appropriate for tea. I attended an event in November with no hat and was scolded as if I was a child. I was so upset but tried to not let it ruin my time there at the tea house. Later that day I was sent a very rude email from M who told me that she didn't think that I was best suited for the group as I am not complying to the group standards and continued to bring "negative" energy. I tried to ignore it everything, but then had to fight back. She then removed me from the group as I was correcting her on semantics because each event she expected people to wear hats even if it was not posted in the event details. Oh well...such is life. About a month after being removed from the group, I started my own Tea group. Since M is such a control freak she was very agitated to say the least that I outsmarted her and beat her at her own game. I felt like I got justice, as she couldn't do anything about it as everyone is entitled to have their own public group. Since creating my own group I have close to even in numbers as her for members AND my events are always packed full. I know members who are in the other group who are members of mine and have told me that my group is better as it is drama free.

Next on the list, late in 2010 a new ladies club was created on Meetup. I was very excited about this as I was really looking for a group where I could meet some women my own age to hopefully have a friendship with. I tend to have the personality that gets along better with men. I always have and probably always will. I though still miss having a set of girlfriends who can relate to just being a girl. I started going to the new club and met some awesome women. The organizer was yet another control freak who only really wanted to talk to the "stylish" "skinny" girls of the group. I attempted to make conversations with her and we just didn't click. I though did find a small group of women who I am going to miss seeing on a weekly basis if Rob and I move come this summer. I though yet again found that an all women's club or group had high drama. The organizer didn't like people suggesting things of what to do even though she had asked people to do so. I guess once she found "her group" of women she didn't really care about the rest. I just realized that the group was not for me as I didn't want to feel resentful at every event because the leader doesn't know how to interact with people who do not live up to her own standards or who may have a disability. Since I have left the group, I just feel a lot better about myself. Now do I miss getting together on a weekly basis with the women that I truly connected with? For sure I do! The women who enjoy having me around, we tend to do things every couple of weeks. Not much drama with my little small group.

What have I learned from both of these groups? I have learned that I have to find a small group of women to put myself around that accept me for me. I have also learned that I tend to have problems with leaders who tend to be control freaks. I am a leader of a new tea group like I said earlier, and I am trying a new approach to the thinking. I am just going with the flow and trying to keep the drama out. So far, so good!! I try not to imprint my own beliefs and thinking on others and most people become a bit weird or it makes them feel uncomfortable. I fully believe that we live in a society where we all are human and can believe what we want, even if the women sitting next to you at dinner doesn't believe that. Just accept that everyone is different and enjoy the moment while it lasts.

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